In my infinite travels (pun intended), I have seen a lot of things. I have been to the mountain top… and boy is it cold but the food isn’t too bad. So in that I bring to you “Ask Infinite”. I am here to bestow my wisdom that has been cultivated from years of hip hop, Apple Juice and After Midnight Cinemax movies.

Dear Infinite,
I broke up with my boyfriend of (however long) about (however long ago), and the break up was pretty hairy. We both did and said things that maybe we didn’t mean. I realize now, in my time of need, he’s really the only person in my life that cared for me. I’ve seemed to alienate everyone, him included. I wasn’t there for him when he needed me, but I currently reached out to him for, I don’t know, emotional support while I’m sick… I think he’s going to tell me to fuck off, but I want him back. Should I use the sympathy card to get him back? How can I make him want me again? Especially now that my hair has fallen out? ”

Well first off, didn’t your mom tell you about burning bridges? That little piece about him having squirrel balls back fired on you, huh? Yeah it be’s like that sometime. Hopefully he will let bygones be bygones. One thing you need to know about us guys. You use that sympathy card and you will be labeled a needy bitch. And nobody wants a needy bitch. This is what I recommend for you. Grow the hell up. You cut my man down at the knees and you dissed him. I feel sorry that you are sick and hope you have a speedy recovery but you need Doctor Phil or your ass beat, either\or.
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Dear Infinite,
My husband and I want to get our bathrooms remodeled and we are flat broke. I mentioned maybe turning a trick or two to get the job done, he SAID he was fine with it. Until I got responses and chose a couple guys. I tried to tell him that sex is just sex when you want something and with him it’s making love. He doesn’t understand now. I promised these guys personal favors and now my husband thinks I should run their errands! I can’t expect these guys to remodel my bathrooms for a hand job and a trip to office depot. I’m a woman of my word, and I don’t plan on going back now. What should I do?”

If I didn’t know better, I think I have this DVD…Oh well…anyways, a mouth is a mouth…I mean your word is your word. You made a promise. Didn’t your hubby see indecent proposal though? To all the fellas reading, if you let your wife fuck your gardener for new hedges, she is now a hoe. That makes you her pimp so act accordingly. He can’t get mad at you now hun. Why don’t you call your girl friend over and yall double team him in the shower. He will forget all about this little mishap. Oh and I know a computer guy who will load up your machine with vista for a Cleveland steamer and halls in his ass. Just putting that out there…
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Dear Infinite,
While doing some extensive research on the web, I came across an old friend from college that I hooked up with on Bang Bros. Am I wrong for spending hours on myspace trying to find her profile? Or should I be spending more time on there in finding her? I am also looking for some advice to how the first contact message should go?

Dude, 1 word. Stalker. With that being said, was she hot? Cause its alright to stalk her if she is incredibly hot. Why don’t you try looking up her social? Maybe finding out where she works and sitting out front in your car with a printed out picture from her myspace page stapled to your shirt. That might really impress her. She might even give you some. Sike. I am playing. Try this one on for size. I usually start out with this one: Hello. That one always works when I want to talk to someone.

Last 5 posts in Philly Infinite

• Ask Infinite #1 - February 21st, 2007